About the Blogger




Hello reader! My name is Robin.



I’m from Toronto, Ontario and have lived



here my whole life. I am a Stigma Smasher.



Some Factoids



I hold 6 diagnoses as of tonight as I write



this. They are as follows:



  • Borderline Personality Disorder

  • Bipolar II


  • Social Anxiety Disorder


  • Major Depression


  • Eating Disorder


  • ADHD




Seems like a lot, cause it is.



But honestly, even just having one of



these would be a lot for anyone and



I’m not here to minimize anyone’s struggle.



Mental illness is fucking tough,



no matter how many or how little you have.



Do you take medication for



Mental Health, Robin?



Why, yes, reader, I do!



I take Abilify (atypical antipsychotic) and



Cipralex (antidepressant)!



They’re a great combination for me right now.



Some Back story



So, I have a history of mental health



difficulties in my own life that reach all the



way back to childhood. I also have a history of



mental health concerns in my lineage on both



maternal and paternal sides.



I have a history of being traumatized, and



re-traumatized. I suffered the affects of



PTSD for the better part of my 20 years.






I have been hospitalized 8 times,



and I’m writing this from my inpatient room



at the Centre for Mental Health and Addictions



in Toronto.



The Turning Point



After my last hospitalization in 2016,



I hadn’t been in formal therapy.



I thought everything was within my control.



Peeps, was I wrong.



Things started to deteriorate when I went to



college. I was studying Mental Health and



Addictions, but I wasn’t acknowledging the



warning signs of crisis. I knew the content was



triggering me, but I wanted so badly to be



okay.



I wasn’t okay, though. And I wasn’t safe.



I had relapsed with one of my



target behaviours and my eating disorder



had my health all over the place.



I had no supports in terms of therapy.



I felt the lack of clinical support like a sheet



of lead over my body. In the winter of 2018,



I attempted suicide.



Stigma around mental health had clouded



my ability to judge when I need to reach out.



The doctors at the Peterborough Regional



Health Centre chose not to admit me to



inpatient. I continued to pretend I was alright



and that my symptoms weren’t worsening.



I dropped out of my program and started



working again. My anxiety got worse and



worse, hopelessness spread through my



thoughts like dark ink in a glass of water.



My boyfriend, Garrett, brought me to



CAMH on Tuesday, the 15th of January, 2019.



Five days ago.



And in these five days I’ve decided to



actually start prioritizing my mental wellness,



and of course, smashing stigma.



I realized I need to take my health seriously.



I can’t continue to treat myself like my



illnesses are irrelevant. Nor can I pretend



stigma doesn’t affect my choices when it



comes to seeking help.



Before, I neglected myself.



Now, I’m surviving.