Hello reader! My name is Robin.
I’m from Toronto, Ontario and have lived
here my whole life. I am a Stigma Smasher.
I hold 6 diagnoses as of tonight as I write
this. They are as follows:
Borderline Personality Disorder
Social Anxiety Disorder
Seems like a lot, cause it is.
But honestly, even just having one of
these would be a lot for anyone and
I’m not here to minimize anyone’s struggle.
Mental illness is fucking tough,
no matter how many or how little you have.
Do you take medication for
Mental Health, Robin?
Why, yes, reader, I do!
I take Abilify (atypical antipsychotic) and
They’re a great combination for me right now.
Some Back story
So, I have a history of mental health
difficulties in my own life that reach all the
way back to childhood. I also have a history of
mental health concerns in my lineage on both
maternal and paternal sides.
I have a history of being traumatized, and
re-traumatized. I suffered the affects of
PTSD for the better part of my 20 years.
I have been hospitalized 8 times,
and I’m writing this from my inpatient room
at the Centre for Mental Health and Addictions
The Turning Point
After my last hospitalization in 2016,
I hadn’t been in formal therapy.
I thought everything was within my control.
Peeps, was I wrong.
Things started to deteriorate when I went to
college. I was studying Mental Health and
Addictions, but I wasn’t acknowledging the
warning signs of crisis. I knew the content was
triggering me, but I wanted so badly to be
I wasn’t okay, though. And I wasn’t safe.
I had relapsed with one of my
target behaviours and my eating disorder
had my health all over the place.
I had no supports in terms of therapy.
I felt the lack of clinical support like a sheet
of lead over my body. In the winter of 2018,
I attempted suicide.
Stigma around mental health had clouded
my ability to judge when I need to reach out.
The doctors at the Peterborough Regional
Health Centre chose not to admit me to
inpatient. I continued to pretend I was alright
and that my symptoms weren’t worsening.
I dropped out of my program and started
working again. My anxiety got worse and
worse, hopelessness spread through my
thoughts like dark ink in a glass of water.
My boyfriend, Garrett, brought me to
CAMH on Tuesday, the 15th of January, 2019.
Five days ago.
And in these five days I’ve decided to
actually start prioritizing my mental wellness,
and of course, smashing stigma.
I realized I need to take my health seriously.
I can’t continue to treat myself like my
illnesses are irrelevant. Nor can I pretend
stigma doesn’t affect my choices when it
comes to seeking help.
Before, I neglected myself.
Now, I’m surviving.